% fortune -ae paul murphy

Top ten things you don't want to hear in IT

It's a top ten day - what can I say? - other than the truth: I need you to give me some better ones as inspiration for future blogs.

#10- from an applications developer: "Lusers".

#9 - from a Wintel data center designer: "Can we talk about putting a door here, and renting some space to my cousin Luigi, the pizza baker?

#8 - from an IT educator: "I can't understand what made COBOL and BASIC so popular."

#7 - from a Java developer: "Of course I've been referencing My_Methods.PerSonal.Lib.jar"

#6 - from a script "setenv SYB_TAPE /dev/rmt/1c" and from the local admin " Yes, of course, the one on the server itself, you know, the two inch slot at the top"

#5 - from a job applicant: "Solaris? Sure, I use HP stuff all the time - know that stuff inside and out - no problems."

#4 - from a business desktops manager: "Vista? Sure, we may need some more people and upgrades, but we can handle it"

#3 - from my four year old - waving a Microsoft DVD - "Daddy: can I play this on your computer?"

#2 - from a SCADA developer working on a reactor control unit: "We don't need no steenking off button" (Pace! esr)

#1 - from a newly hired CIO's memo to staff: "As part of the upgrade process We'll be standardising on AIX."

And one more truth: in real life I haven't been asked about helping Luigi bake pizzas, but everything else here? Happened.

Paul Murphy wrote and published The Unix Guide to Defenestration. Murphy is a 25-year veteran of the I.T. consulting industry, specializing in Unix and Unix-related management issues.